How to make Dick quit

So we all know Dick Jauron at some point is going to get fired. But the big 800lb gorilla in the room is 6 million dollars. As in the money it will cost to buy Jauron’s last two years of his contract.

But what if Jauron were to quit? Oh, I know what you’re thinking, why would Jauron quit? There’s no way he would leave all that money on the table, not to mention he’d never be a head coach ever again. But what if Ralph made it so bad for Jauron that he had no choice but to quit? So here’s how Ralph can make Jauron give up.

1) Deactivate Terrell Owens and Lee Evans..oh wait the Bills don’t use them
2) Deactivate Jason Fine and Shawn Nelson
3) Make Jauron call the offensive plays
4) Make Jauron have to wear a suit at all times and lose the Eastwood Glasses
5) Make Jauron Ralph Wilson’s nurse or caretaker
6) Make Jauron give motivational speeches
7) Make Jauron have Marshawn Lynch as his driver
8) Make Jauron go jogging with Corey McIntyre
9) Make Jauron have a debate with Darryl Talley
10) Make Jauron fight with Turk Schonert in the Octagon
11) Make Jauron give up the Cover 2 defense
12) Make Jauron apart of T.O.’s PR staff
13)Make Jauron watch 24 hours of the T.O. show
14) Make Jauron go to a tanning booth
15) Make Jauron read my blog (hey I have a sense of humor)
16) Make Jauron change Marv Levy’s depends
17) Make Jauron cross the street when Bruce Smith is driving
18)Make Jauron do a taste test of a 10-year old box of Flutie Flakes and a box of T.O.’s
19) Make Jauron and the Flutie brothers form a rock band
20) Make Jauron screen calls on WGR after a Bills lost
21) Make Jauron wear a sombrero at training camp instead of his Indiana Jones hat
22) Make Jauron the Bills GM (Hell, even he knows he can’t do that)
23) Make Jauron actually answer a straight forward question
24) Make Coach Chuck Dickerson your defensive coordinator
25) Make Jauron play QB behind the o-line
That’s all I got…any other suggestions?
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